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Dealing with the Holiday Blues
Overcoming The Holiday Blues My husband, Terry, died on Christmas Day. A suicide related to alcohol abuse. Now, many years later, as the holiday season approaches with its Black Friday sales, Salvation...
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IPAD Blunder
I’m out-of-town visiting my friend, Ted, at a skilled nursing facility. He sleeps. I read a book on my iPad. Hours pass. Ted’s daughter arrives. I wait for her in the lobby where I place my coat and...
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April 5 - A Stretch
Originally posted on Story Circle Network One Women's Blog on April 5, 2015. Several years ago I signed up for a class in collage because I felt the need to stretch beyond the familiar, never mind...
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Loved ones of addicts: 10 things you can relate to
(Originally published on Addiction Blog on April 3, 2015) If you are related to, in a relationship, or simply love an addict, life can be filled with many highs and lows. So, what are some TRUE...
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What to do for a homeless family member? Recovery tools for a loved one in a...
The distressed phone call Recently a friend contacted me because her daughter, Laura, and her boyfriend had broken up. They had been sharing a tiny apartment with his relatives and now she was asked to...
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Lessons Learned in Recovery
Originally published on www.psychologytoday.com on 9/8/2015 Family and friends can learn how to take care of themselves... Years ago when I began teaching online, I tackled a steep learning curve in...
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Making Progress in Writing and Recovery
Originally published on www.psychologytoday.com on October 27, 2015 I write and I recover from a loved one's addiction. Granted there are significant differences between the two, but several...
View ArticleThe Six Cs of Recovery
Originally published on www.psychologytoday.com on November 27, 2015 Dear Abby's response to a loved one who just ended a relationship with an alcoholic: "Alcoholics are like everybody else:...
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Facing Fear and Letting Go
Originally published on www.psychologytoday.com on January 29, 2016 “Thou shalt not enable.” I need to tattoo that commandment on my forehead as a reminder to not rescue my adult son when he gets in a...
View ArticleDancing in Denial: What It's Like and How to Stop It
Recently a friend ended a long-term relationship with her live in boyfriend because he refused to stop abusing alcohol. We talked about the drama, damage, and denial which had poisoned their...
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Breathing Exercises to Reduce Stress
The mind's job is to keep busy. According to a study conducted by the National Science Foundation, the average person produces between 12,000 to 50,000 thoughts per day. It's estimated that ninety-five...
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Ditch Perfection and Embrace Progress
Recovery is a process of change through which individuals improve their health and wellness, live a self-directed life, and strive to reach their full potential (SAMHSA). How do loved ones begin to...
View ArticleUntangle Yourself From Your Loved One's Addiction
Last week in our loved one's group, Lois who volunteers in Haiti with her church group told this story. "One day while I was walking through the city on my way to get a bite to eat I came across a goat...
View ArticleWhy is Gratitude a Helpful Tool for Loved Ones?
I’ve pretty much given up on my annual resolution to lose 10 pounds, but back in January I resolved to keep a gratitude journal. Given that only 8% of those who make New Year’s resolutions are...
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Setting Boundaries for Loved Ones
Another relapse. Another midnight call. Another sleepless night. Another round of fear, frustration, and fatigue.Fear. What will happen to my adult son? Will he lose his freedom, his apartment, his...
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Our Loved Ones Are Not "Bun Worthy"
At a recent loved one’s meeting, Mary talked about planning a pot luck barbecue. Her friend, Alice, gladly accepted the invitation and offered to bring potato salad. However, on the day of the event,...
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Some "Do's" and "Don'ts" for Loved Ones
In Drinking in America: Our Secret History, Susan Cheever describes alcoholic families as “nightmarish places, heartbreak machines in which the innocent fare worse than the guilty.” No doubt family and...
View ArticleAncient Wisdom Can Help Loved Ones Deal With Addiction
“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your...
View ArticleEmbracing the C's and More
Dear Abby’s response to a loved one who just ended a relationship with an alcoholic:“Alcoholics are like everybody else: sometimes amazing, loving, smart, charming, funny and compelling. Unfortunately,...
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Give Gratitude a Go
According to the Statistic Brain Research Institute, 62 percent of Americans make New Year’s resolutions at some point in their lives. Most cave in before the end of January. In fact, only 8 percent...
View ArticleCelebrate Progress
Many of us still fall for the Cinderella fantasy of falling in love with Prince Charming and living happily ever after. We strive for perfection in relationships with family and friends. We want to...
View ArticleHow Some Beliefs Limit Loved Ones
The only limits you have are the limits you believe. - Wayne DyerA plethora of information is available on how to change limiting beliefs that block happiness and success. An Amazon search includes...
View Article"Do's" and "Don'ts" for Loved Ones
Leo Tolstoy wrote, “All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” However, families whose loved ones abuse alcohol and drugs share in their unhappiness. They...
View ArticleStigma and Secrets: Road Blocks to Recovery
Family members are profoundly affected by a loved one’s addiction. In the US approximately 15.1 million adults age 18 and older have an Alcohol Use Disorder, and that figure does not include...
View ArticleSet a Boundary or Build a Wall
Help or hinder? Enable or detach? Empathize or criticize? Blow up or shut down? Set boundaries or build walls.These dichotomies challenge loved ones. Depending on the circumstances, we may handle each...
View ArticleAAAs of Recovery
“You get what you get; it’s what you do with it that counts”. This reminds me of the three As which we discuss in my loved ones’ recovery group: awareness, acceptance, and action.Awareness — When...
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Addiction and the Brain
“I don’t understand why he just can’t stop abusing alcohol.” Turns out that addiction is a whole lot more complicated than just saying “no.” Although the stigma of addiction as a moral failing...
View ArticleDon't Let a Loved One Steal Your Joy
“You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it.” When I first heard that sentence at a loved one’s meeting, I felt relieved. I didn’t have to blame myself for my son’s addiction, I...
View ArticleUnite and Celebrate Recovery
"Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity.” — Al-Anon, Tradition OneCombat Veterans We’re united by the effects of alcoholism and substance...
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Facing Fears
At a recovery meeting for loved ones we focused on fear. Fears can crush and overpower. Often we project worst case scenarios. A litany of “what ifs” take over. We ruminate, we project, we worry. Our...
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Coming to Terms With "Why Me?"
“Why me?” No doubt those of us whose loved one's abuse alcohol and illegal drugs have asked ourselves this question. I know I have. Many times, particularly during a crisis. And in different ways such...
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Practice Positive Communication
Recently I attended a talk by Dr. Jeff Foote, Co-founder and Executive Director of the Center for Motivation and Change (CMC) describing the CRAFT program (Community Reinforcement and Family Training)...
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How Comparison Works Against Us
When I told my friend, Jay, that I was going to spend five days in Oslo, Norway, he immediately chimed in that I should fly to Stockholm, Sweden, because it’s a much more interesting city. When I...
View ArticleTwo Addiction Wish Lists
Recently I came across a wish list written by individuals who abuse alcohol and substances.We wish we could get sober without the overpowering feeling of withdrawal.We wish we could silence the voice...
View ArticleDownsize Those Demons
Sell home next spring. Check.Downsize this autumn. Check.Start the process. Um, yes, but how?I needed a plan to divest myself of the huge amount of stuff I’d accumulated during the twenty-two years...
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